The Taxi Driver Interviews

Hello Sir, my name is Adolf Abdul Aziz. My husband, I mean my Mama name me after famous political leader of 1930's and 80's pop sensation Paula. Job of driver of Taxi here in Botswana, it be tricky business...
I get sometimes abuse by the White Devil. He say me black bastard and other man calls Kaffir get job. I am Taxi, I don't getta job! He say get out and cut grass like dem other Kaffirs but dere no grass in Zimbabwe, you have to eat peach while falling from banana tree you not know that! I want to be seen as nice guy so I say I want give him free internet but my hands are tied! All I can offer is a reasonably expensive ride in car and possible butty sex with local girl Jamila for right price. She clean, she only have 2 sex disease now. White devil he laugh and call me fool. Fool like I water buffalo. He call me pimp like Jay-Z. He racist man like George Bush. I have no time for his chammiewaddle. I tell him I have family to feed and Taxi to drive. He harass me fifth time this week. He big game hunter with big gun so I no pursue him and stab him dead in dark of night. This is how we usually solve problem in People's United Republic of Ghana. I bid you blessings of the future and do not touch or eat melons they have A.I.D.S like Jamila.

Kitchen Nightmares

Oi! You fucking scum cunt! You pile of bollocks! Oi! This risotto is too fucking salty! Fuck all the other ingredients, all I can taste is fucking SALT!!! Why would you make it that salty? Why for Christ's sake? Why would you do that? Why?

Because I want to give everyone high blood pressure.

Timothy Ponders...

Hmm... I wonder if Jeremy Corbyn is circumcised or not?

The Taxi Driver Interviews

Yeah, hi, I'm Herb Langham, short for Herbert I guess, my mother never did explain. Yeah, I've been a taxi driver in New York City for close to twenty five years and I've seen some real crazy shit I can tell ya. Boogers, jalapenas, the whole shabang. Fuhgeddaboudit! Ya know I get a lotta passengers think I look like Danny DeVito, yeah maybe, could be worse, ya know. But I ain't a bald fuck like that Danny DeVeet, I got a nice crop of hair some say reminds 'em of Nicolas Cage. His hair, not his face obviously. Can you imagine Nicolas Cage's face in my hair? That's too fucking stupid to even think about ya hear me? Okay, okay, fuhgeddaboudit! Listen, I don't think I'm as funny as Danny DeVeet but give me an eggnog at Christmas time and I'll pull the tree over and puke on the lights. Fuhgeddaboudit! Great time for me Christmas, you get all the weirdos round that time. Once had this jerk off tell me he was Santa Claus and wanted me to take him to the North Pole. I told him, pal, unless your Dickie fucking Attenborough take a fucking hike you looney toon! Everyone knows there ain't such a place as the North Pole. Honestly, the shit I have to put up with. Fuhgeddaboudit!