Kickin’ It In The Bog Episode V: Rulers Of The Poopie-verse

Coowee! Have you got a light boy? Jackson Pollock's soul! That stench is enough to rouse the dead. Hello again, it's your old pal Wilbert of the Toilet Commission. Last week I was in Cornwall with those Arabs. Seems the British government has decided to take all these asylum seekers and shove 'em where the sun does shine. But sadly with folks like them they don't know how to keep their shit in check in both respects. Got called down to the "Vicar and Maiden" pub where these asylum seekers go for a drink of an evening. I thought them folks were all moohooslim and not allowed a good honest drink like the rest of us but maybe they've decided to disgrace their God like they have this country. We got down to the pub late Wednesday evening and were surrounded by a pack of the Arab blokes. All of 'em shouting in their heathen tongue. It were bloody scary I tell ya. It were like being back in WWII. Except unlike the Germans these buggers will cut out your heart and eat it with their curries or whatever in God's name they put in their mouth. Jesus, if what comes out of their asses is anything like what goes in their mouths, I feel sorry for them bastards.

Anyway, these Arabs were all clambering around us like rats around a corpse. It were just me and my mate Jim Connors, also from the Toilet Commission and formerly from East Western Great British Feces Association. Keeping British toilets for the British. I myself am a fully paid up member and after last week I'm glad Jim is a racist. The darkies were around us baying for blood when old Jim pulled out his BMP card and the blighters ran for the hills. The landlord, a portly gentleman with a rye smile and great hips led us to the toilets in question which were appropriately in the bowels of the building. A brown ghost waited for us there. It was a minefield! It was so horrifying I just can't go on. Save to say, poor Jim didn't make it. We layed him to rest on Sunday morning at St. Sebastions Church. God bless you Jim, you're in the great toilet bowl in the sky now. See you soon Jim. That reminds me, I need a piss.