Yeah, what you're doing is pretty impressive and everything, but if you want to be included in this year's 'Generally Very Absurd Soccer-Related Skills Championship', then you need to ditch the standard plastic ball and start practicing with a motherfuckin' mahogany globe atlas.
He needs to take his ass to Britain's Got Talent with all the rest of the scubby football tricksters. Actually, a mahog globe would be novel.
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