Harold Benson Christmas Special

Well, it's that time of year again. Bleeding Christmas again isn't it? I've never been one for all this Christmas malarkie. I'd prefer to just enjoy Christmas in my own way by putting my feet up with a nice cup of char. But the wife wants me to put on a whole bleeding show like every year with the lights, tree, presents, etc. I was up the ladder this morning putting up fairylights on the front of the house, nearly slipped off with the frost that's about. Of course doing it at 6:15am wasn't the best time of day. I know that now. Tried having a real tree this year, went out to old Bob's on Century Road and he had a hum-dinger. Beautiful it was, all green and bushy like, well, a tree. Got it home and the bastard left all pine needles everywhere, all over the Indian rug, it was a farkin' catastrophe. Betty, me wife didn't like that much neither. So we have opted for one of those fake trees that have the colour coded branches. Well the farker was almost as much stress as the real one was. I'm colour blind you see.

Why can't things be simple like in the old days. I remember when I was a child Christmas just happened. The tree, lights and all the rest of the bollocks just happened naturally. I don't remember having to make any effort. Father Christmas came down the farkin' chimney and gave us our presents on Christmas Eve and that was that. But kids don't believe in Father Christmas anymore do they? They only believe in video games and money. So what's the deal? Bleeding advent calendars and office parties. Wrapping presents at God knows what hour of the night on Christmas Eve with just a bottle of Captain Morgan's. Lot of rubbish. You just need a good book. I myself, always love reading my owners manual for me motor. I must have read that a hundred times or more. It's a great read. I once sent it in as a suggestion for Richard and Judy's book club but I never heard anything back. The farkers. Well who's on a channel called Watch that no one actually watches now? Well I watch it but I don't count because I'm a miserable old git that enjoys horribly crap and boring stuff. Merry Christmas everyone. May your life be less of a mistake than mine has been.