You Broke Christmas.

Look what you've done! Look! You went ahead and broke it even after I warned you before we set off this morning. You broke Christmas. You cunt.

Enough Is Enough.

World Masterbating Championships.

Firstly, I'd like to welcome you to the World Masterbating Championships. It's always good to see fresh, new talent such as yourself competing at the highest level. Sadly, your last round didn't offer all that much. Too much grinding, too few unexpected moves, and no consistency in the facial expressions. I'd have to give you a poor 5.5. Sandra, what did you think?

Well I'm giving you a strong 8.0, buddy! Now why don't you go ahead and masterbate for me some more please...

Hand It Over Carefully. We Don't Need An Accident, Here...

Carmina Burana

Hey you Keira Knightly looking foxy chick. Nice handbag.

Oh do you like it? It was forged in the fires of Mount Doom.

Shit baby, your fine ass went all the way to Mordor?

No silly. I bought it off Ebay.

Gift Horse.

Is this what I think this is? Oh my God, it is! I can't believe you got me this, it's exactly what I wanted! Finally, my very own 'do-it-yourself' Anal Bleaching Kit! You know, it's much smaller than I imagined it would be. Let's see - you get a syringe, some rubber tubing, cotton wipes, a small tube of bleach solution, and an illustrated step-by-step guide. This is the most thoughtful gift anybody has ever given me!

Delivery For Trish an' Deb.

Available in HD.

Online Safety Police.

As Senior Officer of the Online Safety Police, it's my job to show people how to safely surf the internet.

What are some of the safety concerns you teach to people?

Well, I tell them to look in opposite directions before crossing into the internet. Wear reflective clothing ... use safety goggles. Stuff like that.

Cum Baron. Damn! Now I Have To Send A Cheque...

What is it, boy?

Sir, I come baring good news! The copyright papers have been returned. We have successfully licensed the term 'Cum Baron'. We shall receive a substantial royalty payment each time that term is used under any instance.

Very good! Gentlemen, I have a very strong feeling that this new venture will make us hopelessly wealthy!

Go Faster Stripes.

You're getting better at this water walking trick, but, like, you still need to walk a little bit more ... y'know ... lighter ... an' stuff.

Grift Box.

Happy Christmas, daddy!

Oh, what's this? A hand-painted picture of yourself, me and your mother! What a lovely gift! Oh ... but, wait a second ... I gave you twenty pounds for the purpose of you going out and buying me a real Christmas gift ... and I end up with this painting? Did you waste all of my money on this gift box?! Tell you what, you can have the painting back and I'll frame this shitty gift box instead.

How Germany Lost The War.

Take notes.

Cannon Fodder

Ha-de-ha-ha! Take that you Confederate bastards! I'm bringing the American civil war right into the 21st century with a bang bitch!.. Hey, did I just say Take That? Oh shit, no, no. I don't wanna mention that rugged Manchester foursome at a time like this... Or do I?

Hell Fighters

Fuck my Lord.

Look at the size of that snausage!

That's fire and flame Kurt. Not a popular dog treat.

Yeah, yeah, well in my world it's all the same. Hell of a sunburn though?

Yep. Like Danny Day Lewis in-

There Will Be Oil?

Yep, that's the one... Cunt.

Don't Forget Your Toothbrush

Yo bro?

I ain't your bro.

No, no, but you know what I mean, not to be too Ross Kemp or anything like that.

Eastenders.

More like "...On Gangs".

Man he's got balls.

Of steel.

A man of steel?

Ha, ha, Superman. Get a job will ya?

No, no, seriously, what kind of toothbrush do you like to use?

A BIG ONE!!!

Hey man, no need to shout. No I mean what brand of toothbrush do you like to use?

TEE-HEE-HEE-HEETH!!!

Stop being weird.

I use a "Reach" toothbrush...

Cool.

... On your wife!

HEY!!!