WTF? Gods Fighting.

Livin' Large.

The Wilbrhams On: UFOs

So I'm on a quiet country road one night.

Very dark night I believe it was.

Yes, frightfully dark.

Raining too.

Yes, there was a downpour.

Very cold-

Yes, enough about the bloody weather. It's the incident that's important.

Oh, the incident. What a frightening experience.

Yes. Quite so dear. It rattled Hoslin to say the least.

I was shaking.

I was shaking too. But with fury!!! Yes, so anyway, we were driving back from Carmichael's 40th party and as I came round a turn in the road we were hit.

By a light!

Yes, it, well, it flooded our vision!

Then the light dimmed.

Yes, it dimmed and there in the sky was a giant saucer. Like the type you see in those 50s B-movies.

Then there was a beam of light. It was bright blue!!!

Yes, very blue-ish green I'd say. It appeared to convey some creatures, for lack of a better word. Then the light disappeared and there stood, in the middle of the road...

Little green men!!!

Yes, they appeared to be Aliens from another planet. Either that, or they were French.

No dear, they weren't wearing berets.

Oh yes, that's right. They were in shiny silver suits. No berets to be seen.

I gave out a cry.

Yes, she did do a little scream for herself.

A little one.

Like Tinkerbell small wouldn't you say?

Oh yes, very small. More of a gasp really.

Then these... Things approached the car.

Reginald wasn't having any of that.

No I certainly wasn't! I put my foot down and ran the little buggers over in my car.

Reg likes to do that to bunnies and birds that wander into the road. Don't you sweetheart?

Well! They have no place on the roads. Roads are for cars. Not bloody animals and aliens and all the rest of those rotters.

Reg once hit a black man who was walking on the roadside. Didn't you swee-

We don't mention the coloured man Hoslin. You know that.

Thankfully, the black man wasn't too injured. Just a few broken ribs.

Indeed....

Victorian Transient's Got Talent

Chief! I've found some! There's a whole bunch of 'em hiding behind this wooden border.

Ah, yes! These mites will be perfect additions to our dance group. The more pathetic their circumstances, the more chance we have of winning 'Victorian Transient's Got Talent'.

...hey, let's make them fight each other for a little while.

Oh, absolutely.

Touristpoints.

Welcome to New York, folks! Please enjoy your vacation. Oh, and remember; the first one of you to murder a hooker and dump their remains in a Starbucks restroom wins 10 Touristpoints.

Politics.

Gentlemen! I've just received this letter from the government stating that all black dwellers are now entitled to sit on the first step of their massa's porch. They are no longer resigned to the second or 'last' step. Damn, now we're giving our first step away to them!? That's some bullshit, fellas. Our government just keeps finding new ways to fuck us over and over, man.

Sign Making.

Pete, make sure you punctuate this offer of 'four pounds of sour root for the price of two' with ... THREE ... exclamation marks. Yeah, you heard me - THREE exclamation marks! Motherfuckers won't know what the fuck to do when they see a bad-ass tri-force of exclamation marks all up on this sign.

Natalie's Rap.

WTF? Baseball Brawl.

Camouflage.

Mike, this camouflage design you painted on me is pretty lousy. I mean, really - what the fuck am I gonna 'blend in' with around here!? Honestly, I look like a fuckin' tool. The entire Navy is less gay than I look right now...

Pak Man

Oh goody, goody, I am not your traditional Pakistani man you know. Oh no, no sir, I am all into your modern world. Oh yes, I like America. I even watched the Mickey Mouse... Once. Modern living is a hobby of mine. Yesterday I went to your electrical store and bought the ipods. The assistant was very helpful and informed me that, to enjoy music fully I would need a shuffle, nano and the ipod classic. I am very grateful to this man. Now I can truly enjoy my Junoon's new album in high quality HD stereo. Ah yes, I am very lucky man.

Wild Wild West.

Questionnaire Mit Black Man

I know what you want to ask me friend. And the answer is yes. I do have a awesomely large cock. And yes, it does get me girls. Break'em in half I do. That's just how I roll.

Ye Olde Days IV

Son, I'm afraid you're just not tall enough for a sword yet.

But Father when shall I be tall enough?

I don't know. How about we try again next year?

But Father, you say that I'm too short every year.

I know. But I don't think you understand the gravitas of this situation Son. You see, when you own a sword it is a very special weapon that is personal to it's specific user. Do you understand what I mean by that?

Not really Father.

Well, in layman's terms; It ain't all slashing and hueing off heads and running men through with your sword.

It's not?

Actually, yeah it is. Hehe. But you're still not having a sword.

Richardson.