THE DOCTOR'S SURGERY METHOD 1

Hello, hello, nice day yes? Clouds and rain, yes? How children, you have some no?

Ah, no Doctor... My boyfriend and I were trying for our first baby when I had a miscarriage. It was last year remember?

Oh yeah, Doctor Yang remembers now, me sorry for loss of fetus baby.... You make new bastard child again soon yes? So Mrs. Willybottom, you tell me what you problem yes?

Ah, it's Miss Winterbottom.

Oh yeah, me sorry, get Western whore names all mixed up. You tell me problem 'kay? 

Yes, well Mr. Yang, it's a very personal problem...

Oh yeah, me know what you mean, you pull down trouser I fix lady parts.

No, it's not like that. What I mean to say is-

Oh I get it, you worry about titty? Take off bra and Doctor Yang have feel.

No Doctor, it's nothing like that. 

Oh shame.

It's just that I have been experiencing some very bad bouts of depression since my miscarriage and, well, frankly-

Ooooh! No problem Mrs. Willybottom, me have just the trick, try this....

What is this pill?

It good for you... It Psy-chological. Try one now, get happy!

Okay..... Oh my word! They make PSY in a pill now? Who even knew?

Sand Gods Part III

King Kolo! We have returned from our long and posthumous journey!

Do NOT shout at me you motley fool! I, King Kolo have ruled Verneetua for centuries and I will rule for centuries more before I hear your tongue make shout of my good name. Do you understand Captain Timothia?

Oh course Sire, please forgive my enthusiasms but we have just returned from a magical, but dangerous voyage to the land of Tambourine.

Oh really? Do tell? I wish to know of this land you speak... What was it like?

It  was mainly very drummy and shake... ish.

Hmm... Sounds most bizarre and ungodly.

Well kinda I suppose. There was a lot of Linda McCartney there. As you may remember she played a lot of that instrument back in the day. Young Gilly, our cabin boy was most impressed. 

Well I am not! 

Oh Sire, you are so cute when you are angry.

Really... Well I have something cute for you Captain.... EXECUTE THEM!!! 

This is the Fifth time this year we've been executed.

And there are plenty more executions where those came from, I can tell you!