Kickin’ It In The Bog Episode IV: A New Poop

Dear God almighty! Have you got a light boy? Forget the light, you're gonna need a forest fire back there. That cistern is gonna need some mass explosion to get rid of that pong. I tell ya boy, that stink'll turn ya half blind or worse... Gay. Working at the toilet commission has it's own challenges. I get people coming up to me every day saying "Eh Wilbert? It's got to be an easy old job working at the commission huh?". Those people have ghosts for shoes frankly because not just any old 'wat could do my job. It's more of a calling than a career. It's a way of life. I deal with this kind of stupidity everyday. I'd sooner pick up a big brown one and fling it in their mouth and say "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" Just like Jack woss-his-name said in that army film. But I have to be diplomatic. I was called down to Yarmouth last week to a scene of total and utter excrement. Seemed a pipe had burst near the Marina Centre and a brownshot had gone up into the grey Yarmouth skies, turning them a browner grey... There was shit all over the beach, no change there then. Took all of about fifty minutes to get them chavy folk from playing in the brown sand. They were having such a good time. Doesn't take much to please the people of the burberry. This weekend I'm going to Birmingham to the 2008 Toilet Convention. I'm so excited about going I'm wetting my pants. No seriously, I've wet my pants... Whoopsie daisy.