The Mayor Of Garboldisham.

Pedophiles! Garboldisham has recently generated many unwanted headlines in the national press, as it was revealed our town was home to some of the most notorious sex offenders in the country. As Mayor it was my duty to deal with this difficult situation, and since I've made the necessary decisions, I feel that the streets, playgrounds and local swimming baths are safe again.

My wife has taken to calling me 'Mayor Cupid', although it often sounds like shes calling me 'Mayor Stupid'. Frankly, yes, I am a kind of 'cupid'. My plan to tackle the growing financial and social burden our large community of un-wed mothers generate, by arranging marriages for them with our many pedophiles has been an utter success! The un-wed mothers have somebody to share an income, and have somebody to help raise their child. Whereas, the pedophile gets the opportunity to rehabilitate himself in a cosy, loving home environment.

My critics have not shared my optimism for this scheme. Saying that I'm 'mad' for driving pedophiles into already unstable environments. But I'm not concerned. Critics are critics. I wouldn't be where I am today, if I'd have listened to my critics.