The Blessed Often Does Voice-Over Work.

"From recliner to vagina, we've got it all in store!"

Mariah Cares.

The Retarded Policeman.

Even the retard looks embarassed to be in this shit.

William's Mercy.

"I thought I saw Don King in ASDA, turned out one of the cleaners had fallen over."

Noah's Argh.

"Woke up to find the maid had died. Guess I have to wash my own skidmarks from now on."

William's Amazing Mercer.

"Got fired from the Sperm Bank for drinking on the job..."

Screwed! by J. Sparks.

M.I.A. Could Very Easily Kick My Ass.

More Iron Man Miscellany (Post Orgasmic Chill).

I didn't notice this while watching, but clear-as-day, there she be. During this scene (where Pepper Potts catches Tony in suit limbo), almost directly underneath Stark's right armpit is an in-progress build of Captain America's shield:





I also wanted to post Sam Jackson's post credits cameo as Nick Fury, but Paramount removed it from YouTube. Have to settle with a fuzzy screen-grab:



I know the Roxxon logo is visible during the Iron Man/Iron Monger fight, but I'll be damned if I can find any images.

Yum.

No More Heroes.

Mario Kart Crash.

Much love for Mega64.

Chocolate Covered Bacon For Din-Dins.

Police Chief Brian Blessed.

"...so then this brutal gunfight errupts at the dockyard. One of the boys who went over to investigate calls the despatch for back-up once one of the criminals opened fire. Thats about the time I said "Not on my bloody turf!". So I leapt upon Astrid, my beloved Bakunawa serpent and reigned psychedelic fury across the sea. Faces melted, bones condemned to ash. The smell of vanquished remains hung low in the harbour for days after. My heroic actions were later valued with a mention in the village newsletter."

Willy's Mercer.

"I just done a whopping gret big old plop and thought I had internal bleeding, but then I recalled I had beetroot last night. phroaw."

Henry, by J. Sparks

Quintin Coultine's Black Sweat

Hot diggity dawg motherfucker! It be HOT! Nah, nah, nah ma' I gots to back my shit up. S'like someone lit a match up my ass. Tell dat sun to back da fuck up 'fore I smack da fuck up. Yo, yo, yo, git dis, git dis, me an' my boy Tyrell, we be hitting all da pubs an' clubs right here in LONDON y'all. Checkin' out dem fine ass, woo-ee fine ass bitches on display. Whoa, we be drinkin' nationwide dat night and havin' ourselves a sweet taste of dat poontang. Brother gots to git him some poontang right? Else he gets da spluch and dem collie wobbles. Maself, I ain't never gone wit' out none cuz those bitches be followin' me round like I'm one o' dem fucking singers like Prince or Luther Vandross or even dat bitch Haddaway. What is love? I'll tell ya, it's a paycheck motherfucker! I'll be seein' you 'gain real soon mah'fucka. I gots a whistle, so I'll whistle at'cha biiiiiizitch!!!

Children Frighten Me

SAVE ME JEBUS!!!

Cordonree!!!

I was hanging out like a sprout.

Chapelfield was the place to be.

When, with mein own eyes what did I see.

A man on a cunting Pennyfarthing.

Regardae.

Seasick Steve Is A Bloody Legend.

Seasick Steve rocking his three string guitar on Jools Holland.

Probably the coolest man on the planet.

The Continuing Prequels Of Jason Statham.

"Some fucker done a slash on my rug..."

Reymon14

"Thish, thish is me Reymon fawr-teen. Thish bewlt is mine and not yawrsh!"

Pugwall's Summer.

I want to walk the streets wearing a motherfucking keyboard like Bazza. I would stand aloft the highest peak of the city and jam my sounds across the land - the cityspeople becoming entranced by my spell, dancing in the streets like animals.

Quintin Coultine is THE RANDOM MAN

Yo, fuck wit' dis shit ma'. I be smokin' on da street but I'm da Random Man so's I can do what da fuck I wanna y'all. Gots dis job, fuuuuck... Working at da Notting Hill Carnival an' shit. Ain't seen no Goddamn Hugh Jackman or Grant or whatever da fuck dat whitebread mah'fucker is called. See'd dat Russell Grant tho. Big, fat motherfucker he is. Shiiiit, he can take his horoscopes and shove 'em up his bitch made ass where all those cockadoodle doos be going. I'd hate to see that motherfucker in bed, shit, too much horror to scope if you git my drift. Hot as fuck out here today and deres dis white bitch standing on the corner like a ho battin' her eyes at me. Shit, I should go over dere and give dat bitch a taste o' my hot chocolate. Then I'm gonna steal her purse and buy my woman a diamond necklace. You can't blame a player fo' dat now can ya? Yo' know what they say "Don't hate da player, hate da game!". Yeah, I like it, I like it. Hey, where'd dat bitch get to? Oh well, maybe next time.

Never Bring A Knife To A Gunfight

1888
Whitechapel, London, England.

Jack The Ripper: Hello Whore.

Whore: 'ello mate. Wanna 'ave a bit o' the old 'ows your father?

Jack The Ripper: No thank you whore. Killing you will be... Just fine.



1 hour later at the 10 Bells Pub.

Pub Patron: So what you doing this week Jack?

Jack The Ripper: Oh you know, same old, same old.

Pub Patron: Murdering Whores then?

Jack The Ripper: Yep.

Pub Patron: Got any plans for the weekend?

Jack The Ripper: Say I put my finger up your ass?

Pub Patron: What?

Jack The Ripper: Nothing.

The End

Nodding Dog, by J. Sparks

Out-Nodding A Nodding Dog : The Championship.

Scrumdiddlyumptious!

Share.

Warrior by J. Sparks

Ball Breaker: Das Heather Mills Story

TAKE MORE! TAKE MORE! TAKE MORE! TAKE MORE! TAKE MORE! TAKE MORE! TAKE MORE! TAKE MORE! TAKE MORE!

All I'm saying is, I want MORE!!! More of everything. More money, more money and certainly I want more fucking money. And I want Macca to give me it! I'm not being unreasonable. I let him put his cock inside of my vagina didn't I? I swallowed Paul's poison pill. I drank his man juice, I ate his German sausage. I come Mr. Tallyman to tally me Paul's banana and daylight come and me deserve to get all his money. All you in the press, calling me crazy like I'm a crazy woman. Why don't we drink rat or dog or even cat's milk? That ain't crazy! It ain't governor! I'm not a money crazed bitch like the papers make out. I'm a ONE LEGGED money crazed bitch like the papers DON'T make out! #I've...... Got no leg to hold me down to make me fret or make me frown...# I deserve a lot more money after the shit Paul put me through. Hours of listening to him talk about being in The Beatles, his craggy faced smiles at me and not to mention he tried to kill me! He put on red lipstick like a lady and tried to give me the kiss of death! All I'm saying is, you've got me all wrong, I'm not the monster here. I'm just a regular woman with Forty Million dollars of McCartney's cash but I'm not satisfied. Not until I get the whole sha-bang!

...I want it all!

Will To The James Merdizzle.

"A Pakistani family moved into the house opposite mine. They're going to suspect I'm racist when I pour rancid Chicken Biryani through their letterbox. Old Charles who used to live there never minded me doing it, though."