Bob Carolgees: A Life In Comedy

Good evening and welcome to this tribute to Bob Carolgees who sadly passed away from a puppet related fatality. He was a beloved star of TV, a presenter, comic legend, right wing entertainer and author of the Neo-Christian novel; Godhelm: The Book Of God's Almighty Justice. A book that was publicly criticised for it's dennouncement of gays. Carolgees is survived by his wife Carol Carolgees and son Michael Carolgees. Otherwise known as lottery millionaire Michael Caroll. I have him with us at this time.

Michael, can you tell me why no one even knew the infamous Michael Caroll was Bob Carolgees' son?




Because I didn't want to be associated with him. I dropped "gees" off the end of my name because gees reminds me of Bee Gees. I hate the bleeding Bee Gees.

Let's talk about your father's faithful dog Spit.

Oh him. Sadly Spit was put down shortly following my father's death. He won't be joining us at this time... Or ever. Can you believe my Dad wanted me to go into showbiz too, like him. I couldn't have done that for a living so decided to go on the social instead.

That is sad news. How is your mother taking all this? Is Carol your real mother?

Yeah and No.

And by that you mean?

She is my biological mother but the sea has always felt like my true mother.

Oh were you a sailor?

No. I just feel a kinship with the briny deep.

Getting back to your father. Let's talk about his carrer and little. He was much loved by the public and appeared on the royal variety performance numerous times. But I think it was his darker times when he went "gay for pay" to pay the bills that we are interested in.

The movies were called Anus Antics and Jam Defender. They both starred my Dad; Bob and "Spunk" the dog. Ulgh! Look out for the close-up/long shot of my Dad ram raiding a backwards/reverse puss. Minging!

It sounds as though you are very bitter about it.

Wouldn't you be? For years I called myself Dorothy Paler purely because I was ashamed of the Carolgees name and what it was synonymous with.

And that was?

Dicks up men's arses! Infact, it even became a gay term in the gay community. Giving him a right "Carolgees". You know how that makes me feel? Sick! If it hadn't been for all that wonderful money those lottery bastards gave me I don't know how I'd have survived.

Michael? Do you love?

Never. Purely by heavy rain.

I understand. I guess in the end you could say Bob Carolgees wasn't just a goofy cunt with a moustache and a puppet dog. No, he was something much, much more. He was me, he was you. He was our mother, our sister and our cousin. He was Bob... And always will be.

BOB CAROLGEES
1948-2009