House Doctor

Well it's good news Mrs. Coltrane. You have cancer.

What???!!!

Nah, just kidding, just some medical humour for you. No, to be quite serious, you have a disease called Lupus.

What exactly is that?

It's complicated and besides, I'm not really sure what it is either but House uses the word a lot in the show.

Excuse me?

Pay it no mind. To be honest, I'm not really sure what is causing you to be ill. Frankly, Lupus was a guess.

What kind of doctor are you?

Oh, that's easy, I'm the kind of doctor that Gregory House from the television show; House is. You know, moody with an attitude and drug problem.

I don't watch House.

Oh, well you see, I base my bedside manner and medical practicing on his teachings. I'd be a better doctor of course, if I had a crack team of doctors to consult with like he does. But I don't.

So what do you do in that case?

I consult my dog.

What?

No, no, before you make any judgements, he's very good. Two licks for yes, one lick for no.

And what about "I'm not sure or I don't know"?

Heh, it's never come up. Would you like to meet my Labradoodle; Billy?

Not right now. I'm very sick.

You could be dying?

Oh my God! Could I?

I don't know. Possibly.

Do you think I can be referred please? To a real doctor.

Oh, I'm a real doctor. I downloaded this certificate off the Internet just this morning.