Whicker's World 2009

Hello and welcome to Whicker's World with me, Alan Whicker. On today's show I'm in the great Orient where I'll be meeting some of it's inhabitants and chatting with the founder of this continents favourite food. But first I travelled to the Mongo River to meet the Mountain Man who protects the local village from a great evil. Let's take a look at the interview he gave me a few days ago.


MUNGO SEGMENT BEGIN

Hello again, yes, I'm Alan Whicker and I'm here at the Campara Village that nests just West of the Mongo River. As you can see behind me, the River is indeed beautiful, but deadly. At least Five Campara younglings are lost to the River each year. You may remember the Mongo mentioned on ITN and BBC news broadcasts in 2006, when an Australian woman went missing in this area. Her body was later found at the bottom of a waterfall, of which this River has Two. I'm now joined by the man who not only protects the Village near here but also the great Mongo itself. I'd like to introduce to you the "Grie' Martarno" which roughly translated means "Man Mountain Protector". I'd like to start by saying how privaliged I am to speak with you.

Nerrbutt.

Yes. You are a big lad aren't you. As you can see, the Protector is at least, I'd say 7'4 tall is very well built. I like your beard.

Corbadden

Ah, yes. Ah, may I ask you a few questions Sir?

Yeeeeeeeeeava.

I've just been told that means yes. So can you tell me of what great evil you protect the village?

Kenpano. Ma'bet Meeeee. Car'tr'bran. Ja'ja'ker Gid, Tred.

He says; The evils of the world in general. But mainly paedophiles. Hmm...Interesting.

END SEGMENT

So as you can see, The Orient isn't a place to just lose your wallet. Right now I'm in the nation's capital, where I'm up top the Kanvanis Skyworld which is Asia's tallest building, enjoying a cocktail which is green and tastes like sugar. Alan Sugar. At this time I'm happy to be joined by a man who has changed the face of snack foods, well, for all of us. The revolutionary soy bean is being enjoyed all over the world. Even the Third world. This is dried and salted (at times) and packaged as a healthy snack for companies as established as Marks & Spencers. I am very pleased to welcome the founder and host of the Edamame bean; Edward Edamame.

Thank you for coming to my precious home. Yes of course, it is happy for us all to be joining with oneselves. And of all oneselves I am indeed happy to be joining with yourselves Alan Whickhard.

It's Whicker.

Yes. I am of great apology to that fact Sir Whicker.

I just don't believe what an empire you have created. Is it true you started as a humble bean farmer?

Ah yes. In my Uncle's yard. We would weed his garden for Two Grogs and walk his dog twice a day... Before he was shot.

Your Uncle was shot?

No. The dog.

My word, how did that happen?

There was a dispute.

But-

DISPUTE!!! I am sorry. My raised voice may have alamed you so. For this I am again apologising. But yes, I bought my own patch of dirt at Five-teen for Ten Grogs and began growing beans.

How did you create the famous and beloved Edamame Bean?

It was a freak accident! An accident! I had to abandon my evening bean farming and hurry into the house from the rain one August night, the air was charged. I knew
something was about happen. And it did. I was crushed as I watched a lightning bolt hit my precious bean crop. But the morning after I went out, everything had changed.
The soil was different. The crop may have been destroyed but out of the soil grew a new crop. A crop of soy beans. The Edamame bean. I then took the bean to market and it was a hit with the locals. A company from America heard about my beans and offered me a substantial sum for distribution rights etc. I then took my new found fortune and destroyed my Uncle. As I said before it was a disbute. Nothing more. And in 1999 work commenced on the Kanvanis Skyworld, my personal haven.

Oh dear well. All that and beans. Must have been an rush?

The rush came when I stood over my Uncle and looked into his cold, dead eyes.

Thank you Ed Edamame. It was been amazing here at your Skyworld Resort And Casino.

It was an amazing to be pleasured with you Sir Alan Whicker.

Yes... Well that's about all the time we have for this week. Please join me next week when I will be in The Americas finding out the truth about the dreaded conquistadores. Good-Bye for now.