Curtains

Richard, I have something to tell you.

Yes darling?

Something very important.

Is it that Michael Jackson is dead.

No.

Oh. What a let down.

Richard please, I'm trying to be serious.

Okay, okay. What is it then?

I've been taking medication. Unbeknownst to you...

Why?

Because I need it Richard. Why else?

No, I mean, why do you need the medication?

Because... Well, it's hard to say really, but I- Well, what I'm trying to say is, I, um, see things.

Yeah, so? I see things too. In fact, most of the population of this planet see things, except the blind that is. It's called vision darling and it works by refracting light-

No Richard! I'm not talking about sight. I'm trying to tell you I see things.

Oh... Um, like what?

Things. I don't know. Dragons, devils, horrible faces.

Oh...

I see them everywhere. On the walls, in the carpet, on the celling. I even saw a devilish face in Spot's fur.

Oh how could you darling. Spot's a lovely dog, he wouldn't have devils and the such living on his pristine coat.

I can even see things on this here curtain.

Can you?

Yes, I see them as clearly as I see you now. That's why I think, no, I know these curtains have to be burned.

Now calm down dear.

NO RICHARD!!! THE CURTAINS HAVE TO BURN!!!

Please Katlin, you're making a scene!

THEY'VE GOT DEVILISH DEMONS ALL OVER THEM AND I NEED TO CLEANSE THEM WITH FIRE!!! I WILL ASK THE OGDRU JAHAD TO OPEN A PORTAL AND RID THIS WORLD OF THE EVIL!!! EVIL RICHARD!!! THESE CURTAINS ARE EVIL!!!

Katin please... I don't like the curtains much either, cream just isn't my kind of colour, but there's no reason to start burning things.

THEY MUST DIE IN FLAME AND FIRE!!!!

If you burn down those curtains I am leaving you, do you understand me?

Yes darling. Sorry.

Good, now come lay down on this bed, like a good girl and we'll make sweet and tender love.