Raj's Gauntlet

Mumbai, India.

Bloody door frame, all cracked and falling apart. I've had enough. I am calling a carpenter to sort this problem out, once and for all. Ah, here's a local one. Hello? Is this Mr. Carpenter man from local directory?




Hello my love, what can I do for ya?

Excuse me, I can hardly hear you Mr. Carpenter person.

Sorry my darlin', but I'm in the middle of a job, I'm using the old hands free at the mo.

Your speaking is very cryptic my friend. Tell me, are you a devil?

What's that my old bottle top?

Your accent? You are not from around here are you?

You'd be right there tiny tot. I'm originally from Devon.

And now you have decided to work in Mumbai?

Mumboy what?

In india, my friend.

Nah my little fiddlestick. My shop's in Wiltshire.

Wiltshire, India???

No. Wiltshire, England.

Noooooooooooooooooo! Bloody, fucking hell no!!!

You don't like Wiltshire then?

No, I fucking don't. I fucking hate it!!! I want a carpenter from India. Not bloody Britain!!!

That's good then, because I don't do mends as far out as India.

I've had it! I'm just going to tell you goodbye now.

Righty oh. Goodnight my lickle slumdog.

What??? Come over here and say that you British bastard you!!!

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Hello?

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Fucking dammit!!!