Raj And The Lost Art Of Heresy

Mumbai, India.




Dammit! I knew this DVD was too good to be true. Bloody thing won't play these cheap ass Indian pirate copies I purchased for 5 rupees each. What a scam. Oh wait, I seem to remember seeing a helpline number in the manual. Ah, yes, here we go.

Hello my little peach tree. Punjab-Tech customer services. What may I do for you today?

Yes. I have a complaint.

That's great Sir. I'll just ask you to fill out this form for me in duplicate.

How am I suppose to fill out a form over the telephone?

You'll find a way Slumdog. You always do.

Excuse me, what did you call me?

That's perfect. It just means you absolve Punjab-Tech industries of all fault in this particular matter.

But you haven't even heard my complaint yet. Wait a second, your voice. You're not from India are you?

No Sir. My Name's Robbie. What's yours?

Not your stupid name! I want to know where you are? I can barely understand your accent.

I'm at my desk of course, talking to you Sir.

No, what country are you in?

Britain, Sir.

Britain! Bloody Britain?! I buy an Indian DVD player and when I get onto the helpline it's in bloody Britain?!

Yeah! Isn't it great?

But the helpline should be in India for an Indian company. Not some other country like Britain!

Yeah, now you know how we feel... Cunt.

Excuse me?

.........................................................................

Bugger hung up on me.