Uncle Idi's Storytime

Oh my dear friends, my children of Africa. It is with very warm feelings in my heart that I welcome you back to the people's united state of Uganda. I must tell you things of great importance but first I must bash this traitor's head in with a rock. Today things are good. The white devil has been subdued for time being. But he continues to try and raise his filthy head. The newspaper, they write horrible lies of me. They say I eat cannibals! They say I drive police car as joke and that I bath in champagne bottle. These are LIES!!! LIES!!! I am a simple man. I may wear the trappings of a general and be the president of the people's united state of Uganda but deep down inside I am a man. I was once a simple peasant like you. I was once nothing to the world. Once I was just a poor black man. But now my friends, I am a rich and powerful black man. Haha, I joke of course. (Or do I?)