Do You Secretly Find Marco Pierre White Sexy?

Uh, like the aristocratic chefs of our time, say Angus Sharpei, Lionel Campbell-Wick-Green or even the great Catcher Bloc I have pioneered the way forward in food cuisine making people eat... Food. Hello, I'm Marco-

POLO!!!

Shut it. I hate it when that happens. I won't stand for that kind of language in my fucking restaurant. Hello, you know who I am. I'm that chef from off Hell's Kitchen on the telly. Allow me to speak to you using only words. Yes, of course it was this morning that worried me the most. Not that I awoke without my penis, and no, not that I have noticed that I am starting to go bald. An ugly man such as myself doesn't have these problems. What I don't lose in hair, I make up with wrinkles. No it was the alarming rate to which I have started wearing that dishcloth, scarf-ish thing on my head. Making me look, yes, okay a little bit arabbie. Or is that arabic? Who cares, that's nots the points to which I am reflecting ats. Sorry for my unnecessary use of S at the end of some words but it had to be done.

I know a lot of people think me, oh, what would you say, sullen? I know I seem like I have the grump all the time but really, I don't. I'm a happy chappy really. Just ask Claire Sweeney. She thinks I'm hot stuff. She thinks I'm sexy and truth be told, so does most of Britain and some of the Americas. Yes, even the men. I even caught a glimpse of myself in my bedroom mirror the other day and I was stunned at what I saw. Yeah, it turned me on when I look as good as King Kong. I am sexy damn you!. Fucking sexy in fact. You may or may not know this, but I have dated some of the world's most beautiful women including Ingrid Bergman and football slag; Nancy Dell'Olio but I had to end my sexualism with her because she tasted like baldness. I can only imagine she must have picked that vibe up from that Sven-Göran Eriksson fella. But to hell with women, cooking in my one and only true love. And I'm going to keep it just for you so when you come into my restaurant I can materbate flavours all over you. That's right, I'm going to fuck your mouth with food.